tastybun

I found recently that I was setting off car alarms just by walking past them. At first it was a little disconcerting, but I got used to it pretty shortly. What was weirder was when I was wandering past street lamps and they’d flicker out. At first it was just the odd one.. then more and more until I was wandering about at night in a roving pool of alarms and darkness. They’d turn back on behind me again too, about where the car alarms would stop. Soon I noticed that I stopped seeing people about at nights. I guess they could hear me coming or something. Shortly afterwards I noticed that not only were the car alarms going off, the doors would unlock as well. They’d pop open as I got near and lock again after I’d passed. The best thing though was when it happened to houses. For one thing, I never had to take my keys with me anymore. Also I have a really nice television now..

To whom it may concern. I am writing today to propose a clarification on the accepted hand gesture for ‘a bit’. The gesture in question is when one holds up one’s hand with the thumb and index finger held a small distance apart. I propose that the distance between the digits be set at 14.4mm. The reason behind this is that this is the difference between the accepted rule of thumb metric conversion of 1 yard (900mm) a conversion that is a bit more accurate (914.4mm). It seems a minimal difference between an inch being 25mm and 25.4mm, but that rounding really makes a difference when lengths converted are increased. I feel that regulating this will assist the public at large to make everyday life more accurate and efficient. I shall be looking forward to the ensuing parliamentry debate.